Finding Happily Ever After
by E. Limberg
Summary: Scenes between Castle's disappearance in For Better or Worse and the marriage in The Time of Our Lives. Will be four chapters of loosely connected scenes in the aftermath of the disappearance.
1. Chapter 1

Martha opens the door to the loft, Alexis standing nervously behind her. "Jim, thank you for coming so late. We wouldn't have called but… we just didn't know what to do."

"It's no problem, Martha. Any news on Rick?" Jim Beckett enters the loft and looks from one redhead to the other.

"No, the FBI thinks that he chose to walk away, that he planned the whole thing. They're giving up. But Kate…" Alexis pauses, not sure whether the detective's current actions are due to her frustration at the situation or if it implies that she is starting to feel the same way as the FBI.

"He wouldn't do that; he's a good man. They will find him," Jim places a comforting hand on the young girl's shoulder.

"Katherine is in his office. Let us know if there is anything we can do," Martha tells him, putting an arm around her granddaughter's shoulders and leading her in to the kitchen.

Jim nods and heads toward the office, unsure of how he can make this any easier for his daughter but knowing that he isn't going to allow her to follow the same path he did. He knocks lightly on the door before entering, "Katie?"

The detective is curled up on the couch in Castle's office, a mostly empty bottle of whiskey clutched in her hand. "Why are you here?" she asks, not bothering to look up at him.

"Martha and Alexis called me. They're worried about you," he says softly, taking a seat next to her on the couch.

"I'm fine. Go home."

"Drinking isn't going to bring him back, Katie."

"Do you think I don't know that?" Kate finally looks up at him, her eyes red and tear tracks covering her cheeks.

"I know that it hurts, Katie, but drinking isn't going to fix this."

"I don't think you have any right to be lecturing me about this," she takes a sip from the bottle in her hand.

"You saw what my drinking did, Katie, how it took over my life and ruined our relationship for years. Don't do this to yourself," he reaches for the bottle but she maintains her strong hold on it, preventing him from taking it away. "Alexis told me that the FBI is dropping the case. You're the only hope of finding him. Do you think you can do that drunk?"

"I can't do this, Dad. I don't know how to do this without him. It just… it hurts so much, and I just want it to stop," she wipes at the fresh tears on her cheeks.

"You may think that drinking will help the pain, but it won't, Katie. It will still be there, and it will just get worse if you don't deal with it properly."

"I just want him back," she closes her eyes, letting the tears leak from her eyes.

"So go find him and bring him home."

"He was running away from me, Dad. He used the money for our honeymoon to have the SUV that ran him off the road destroyed. He didn't want to marry me."

Jim pulls the whiskey bottle away from his daughter, setting it out of her reach on the end table beside the couch, then wraps his arm around her and pulls her to his chest. "I saw the way he looked at you. It was the same look that I had on my face every time that I looked at your mother. He loved you, Katie. He waited for four years for you to realize that you felt the same way, he put himself in danger everyday just to follow you around, and he has written six books to show the world how he feels about you. He wouldn't just walk away."

"He's been missing for almost two weeks; if he didn't run away, he's probably already dead," she says bitterly.

"His mother and daughter are depending on you to find him. And if he is dead, don't you think they deserve to know what happened to him? You spent fifteen years chasing your mother's killer so that we could have some closure, Katie. Don't they deserve the same?"

"All that matters is that he isn't going to come back."

"What if it was reversed? What if you were the one that disappeared on the way to the wedding? Would Rick just give up on you like this?"

"No, he wouldn't, but he's a foolishly optimistic idiot… That's part of why I love him," she buries her face further into his shoulder, unable to stop her tears.

"Maybe you being an optimistic idiot too is what will bring him home safe."

"And what if I fail?" she whispers. "I miss him so much already, Dad. What if he is gone?"

He has no answer for his daughter, does not even want to think about the darkness she will fall into if her fiancé is gone. He just holds her as she sobs, her tears soaking his shirt. After several minutes, she quiets down and pulls away from him.

"Don't give up, Katie. I'm sure Rick is out there right now trying to find a way back here to you."

She nods, wiping the tears from her face. "I'm so sorry for all of the awful things I said to you after Mom was killed, that I called you a coward for drinking instead of dealing with it. But… I know that pain now; I know why you started drinking."

"No, Katie, what you said helped me get sober, to deal with my problems and be a better father for you. I just don't want you to go down the same path."

"I… The bottle was almost gone already, Dad; I've only had three sips maybe."

"I thought you didn't like whiskey."

"Castle does. I thought it would bring me closer to him, give me some sort of insight as to where he is."

"Martha said that she saw you crying in here with a bottle of wine a couple days ago."

The detective hesitates before nodding, "We opened it after we arrested the senator. There was maybe two glasses' worth left in the bottle. I'm in control of this, Dad."

"I thought I was in control too, Katie. I never thought I was an alcoholic until I got sober."

She pulls back to look him in the eyes, "I'm fine, Dad. As fine as I can be without Rick here. But I'm going to find him; I'm going to bring him home."

"Are you sure you're okay, Katie?"

"Yes, I'm just going to head to bed and try to get some sleep so I have a clear mind tomorrow when I go through everything again, figure out what it is that we're missing."

"If you need anything, you can call me anytime., Katie."

"I know, Dad," she kisses his cheek before getting off the couch and opening the door to Castle's office.

"Be careful, Katie," he hugs her before heading out of the office. She shuts the door behind him, unable to face Martha and Alexis at the moment.

"Is she okay?" Alexis asks, following Jim to the door with her grandmother.

"No… but she'll get through it. Just… let me know if this continues to happen. She doesn't need to make the same mistake that I did when Johanna died," he requests.

"Of course," Martha pulls him into a hug before opening the door to the loft for him. "Hopefully we see you under happier circumstances next time." Jim nods, then heads out the door.

"Gram, is she going to be okay? She's our only hope of finding Dad, and she… she just has to be okay," the younger redhead hugs her grandmother.

"I don't know, dear. I can't imagine what she is going through right now. But she can't give up on him; no matter what the evidence says, he did not run away from her, from us."


	2. Chapter 2

Alexis takes a seat in her father's chair beside Beckett's desk; it appeared that the detective was out, hopefully chasing a lead on her father's disappearance.

"Can I help you?" the captain asks as she closes her office door for the night.

"I'm Alexis, Richard Castle's daughter. I think we met once or twice before. I was just looking for Detective Beckett. She hasn't been home in over a week, and we were just concerned about her," the redhead explains.

"She hasn't been here for a couple days, said she needed some time off to deal with everything. If she's not at home with you, maybe she's staying with a friend or visiting her father," Gates offers. "Have you tried calling her?"

"She hasn't responded to our texts and didn't answer when we called yesterday. But she has hardly slept since Dad disappeared; maybe she's just catching up on sleep. I'll give her another call later. Thank you," Alexis stands and follows the captain into the elevator.

"I'm sorry about your father. I didn't care for him much when I first took over the precinct, but now I see that he's good for both our case closure rate and for Detective Beckett. She'll find out what happened to him."

"Thanks," Alexis replies, hesitating outside of the precinct before turning the opposite direction of the loft and heading towards Kate's apartment.

Ten minutes later she is knocking on the detective's door, but no one opens the door for her. She pulls out her phone to call the detective, but there is no answer even though she can hear the ringing phone through the door. "Kate, it's Alexis. Please open up," she calls out as she bangs on the door again. When there is still no answer after a minute, she takes her keys out of her pocket, going through them until she finds the right one. Kate had given her the key a few months ago, telling her that she was more than welcome to crash at her apartment if she ever wanted as it was closer to campus than Castle's loft.

"Kate, it's just me," she calls out as she shuts the door behind her. She hears a muffled noise coming from what she thinks is the bedroom and heads that direction. As she passes by the kitchen, she just happens to glance to the left and see the detective sitting on the floor, her knees drawn up to her chest and her left hand clutched to her chest.

"Kate?" she asks softly, but the detective doesn't even seem to notice her. She moves closer and sees the knife clutched in Kate's right hand at her side. "Are you okay? I didn't mean to startle you."

When the detective still doesn't look at her, Alexis cautiously takes one final step forward before sinking to the ground a few feet away, leaning against the cabinets opposite the detective. She sees Kate's eyes are wide and darting around the kitchen, the rapid rise and fall of the detective's chest as she hyperventilates, the shaking of the hand still wrapped around the knife at her side. She remembers her father saying something about Kate having a panic attack after she had been kidnapped a few months back, but she hadn't seen it, had no idea what to do to help her get through this.

"I'm here for you, Kate. It's going to be okay. If there is anything I can do…" she trails off, unsure if Kate can even speak through her rapid breathing in order to tell her what she needs. After a moment, she sees the detective give a slight nod in acknowledgement. It takes about ten minutes, but she gradually observes Kate's breathing even out, her eyes actually focus on the cabinet in front of her and not darting around.

When she moves her left hand from over the scar on her chest, Alexis can see a red stain on her shirt; at firs she is confused because the wound was three years old and couldn't possibly be bleeding, but then she sees Kate uncurl her fingers to reveal her bloody palm. Alexis stands up slowly so as not to startle the detective into having another panic attack, then heads toward the bathroom to look for a first aid kit.

"I… I'm sorry that you had to see this, Alexis," Kate apologizes when Alexis comes back with the first aid kit and a clean shirt.

"Please tell me you didn't do this to yourself," she says, trying to look Kate in the eyes, but she is too busy looking down at her hand.

"No, of course not. It was an accident. Why would you…?" she looks up at the younger girl in concern.

"He's been gone for almost a month now, and… well, you haven't been at the loft so I assume you haven't gotten any closer to finding him or you would've told us. And I know that you loved him, Kate. If you thought that he wasn't coming back…"

"All of the evidence we have says that he was still alive for the first couple days after that crash. We don't have any evidence to think otherwise right now. It's still possible that he will come home."

"And if you find out he's dead?" Kate doesn't meet her eyes or give a response. "I… my knocking probably startled you. I'm sorry."

"It was already happening when you knocked. It's not your fault," she stands up slowly and makes her way to the sink to rinse the blood from her hand.

Alexis follows her, setting the antibiotic ointment and gauze on the counter. "Does this happen often?"

"I… for the first year or so after I was shot, yes. It's happened maybe three or four times since your dad and I started dating."

"After you were kidnapped?"

"Yeah, that was the last time," she says, turning off the water and carefully drying her hand with a paper towel.

"It's still bleeding, Kate. Maybe you should get it looked at. Lanie could probably look at it for you, let you know if you need stitches at least."

"I'll be fine."

Alexis watches as she squeezes some antibiotic ointment onto the cut and then starts to wrap it with gauze. "You should come back to the loft. We miss you."

"I…"

"You're family to us, whether you and Dad are married or not. I know it doesn't feel right without him there, but … without you there, it's like we've lost you too."

"Gates is giving me other cases now, said I can't keep spending all my time on this case when we haven't had a lead in weeks and there are homicides coming in daily."

Alexis hands her a piece of tape to hold the gauze, "You can't give up, Kate."

"I'm not," the detective hesitates before tilting her head toward her office.

The redhead sets the first aid kit on the counter before heading into the office, Kate behind her. She takes in the 'murder board' on the window, all of the papers of notes Kate has taken and possible leads up on the walls.

"Kate, you can't stay here. This is… You're going to go crazy if you keep this up. Or get yourself killed."

"I have to find him, Alexis. Gates won't let me work on it at the precinct so it's all here now."

"I know. It's just… without him, you're the only parent I have left," Alexis takes another look around the office before heading to the door.

"Alexis, wait," Kate calls after her. "I'm sorry that I haven't been there for you. I know what it's like to lose a parent, and I shouldn't have left you and Martha alone to deal with this."

"You shouldn't have to be alone either, Kate. Like I said, you're family."

"Maybe you'd like to get a cup of coffee and talk?" the detective asks hesitantly.

"I'd like that."


	3. Chapter 3

When he picked up her phone, he hadn't meant to snoop. He had intended to take a goofy photo of himself to put as her background and maybe change her ringtone for his calls, just to bring some fun to their relationship. It felt all wrong since he returned; she was too tense around him, afraid that he would be gone again at any moment, and he just wanted them to get back to normal.

"Come on, Castle. We're going to be late," she says, focused on fastening her father's watch around her wrist. When she gets the watch fastened, she looks up to find him staring at her, tears in his eyes.

"I am so sorry, Kate. You were so beautiful, so perfect. And I ruined everything."

"Rick, it wasn't your fault," she comes up behind him, wrapping her arms around him. She tenses up when she sees the photo over his shoulder before stepping away from him.

He quickly returns her phone to the home screen before shutting the screen off and setting it back down on the counter. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring up those memories right now. I just… I just wish I could have been there, that everything had gone as planned and you were my wife."

"Lanie took that just minutes after your phone call, said we needed a father-daughter picture."

"The dress was gorgeous."

"It was my mother's."

Castle looks back at the blank screen of the phone for a moment, then up at her. "The picture in your dad's living room…?"

"That was their wedding day, yes."

"Do you still have the dress?"

She shrugs, "I honestly don't really know what happened to it. But I doubt it would be decent now. I… I thought you were in the car, and I tried to get to you. I was hit by the water from the fire hose; it got muddy while they were putting out the fire. I'm sure it's ruined."

"Oh…"

Kate takes a seat beside him at the counter, eyes fixed on her phone for a few moments. "There should be more photos on there. I think Lanie snuck a couple while I was getting ready. And she took one of me with Martha and Alexis."

He doesn't make a move to unlock her phone to find out. "What about the photographer?"

"If he sent over any photos, Martha or Alexis took care of it. I'm pretty sure he didn't get any of me, but he probably had some of the house, the guests. You should've seen it, Castle. Alexis and Martha did an amazing job. Everything was perfect."

"Except me," he replies bitterly, wishing he could have been there, that he could have saved her from all of this pain.

"We agreed, Rick, on that first night together. No regrets about anything in our relationship, because we did end up together and had a stronger relationship from all that we had overcome," she reaches out to take his hand in hers, rubbing her thumb over his knuckles. "Maybe this is better. Maybe fate just wanted to throw one final obstacle in our path before we could be together."

"You don't believe in fate," he looks over at her, meeting her eyes.

"But you do," she gives him a small smile. The pain still clouds her eyes, but it seems to have lessened since he first saw her from that hospital bed.

He watches her enter Gates' office before grabbing her cell phone from her desk and pulling the picture up again, taking a full minute to study it and then flicking his finger over the screen to change the photo. The next one is his beautiful bride with his mother and daughter, and his heart melts at the sight of his three favorite women together. After a quick glance toward the captain's office to ensure that his detective is not coming back, he changes the picture again; in this one, Kate is looking out the window, her face only partially visible to the camera as she observes the scene below in the backyard as everyone prepares for the wedding.

"You looking at inappropriate pictures on Beckett's phone?" Esposito asks, stopping right in front of Castle as he sits in his chair beside her desk.

"You should have invited us," Ryan steps up beside his partner. "Unless they're inappropriate pictures of you and Beckett."

"I… They are pictures of Beckett, yes, but they are not inappropriate," Castle defends himself.

"You sure about that?" Esposito asks.

"Don't you guys have paperwork?" Beckett asks, taking a seat at her desk.

"Just finished it," Ryan hands her the folder in his hand.

"Now we want to watch him get in trouble."

"Why is he in trouble?" she glances at Castle and finds him holding her phone again.

"When is he not in trouble?" Esposito counters.

The writer closes out of the pictures and sets her phone back on her desk, "Sorry."

"Since you've finished your work, why don't you guys go pick up lunch?" Kate suggests, not taking her eyes off of her would-be-husband.

"Chinese okay?" Ryan asks. Both she and Castle nod, and the boys leave.

"I'm sorry, Kate. I can't help it. You looked extraordinary," he apologizes once the elevator doors have closed on the other detectives.

"I… if you want the pictures, Castle, send them to yourself and get them off of my phone."

"If it upsets you, I don't want them. I'll just delete them."

"No, don't do that."

"You don't want to look at them."

"I…" she closes her eyes for a moment before looking at him. "No, I don't want to look at them right now, Castle. But maybe in the future, when we're back on track, when we're married and living our happily ever after, maybe then I'll be able to accept what happen that day and look at the pictures."

"We could get married today, Kate."

"We're not ready, Rick. We need to do this for us, to get some space from this summer, and to get married because we want to, not because it should've happened three months ago."

"Okay. I'll email myself the pictures and get them off of your phone," he picks the phone back up, ensuring that they have come up in his email before deleting them from her phone.

He studies the pictures for a few minutes, coming back to the one of her with her dad. "Do you mind if I head out for today?"

Beckett looks at him questioningly, not sure why he wants to leave her when the day is only half over. "Rick, if this is about the pictures and us getting married, I'm sorry."

He cuts her off before she can continue, "No, I understand what you're saying. I want you to be my wife now, but… as long as you can promise that we will get married in the future, I can wait."

"We will get married someday. Just not today. Or tomorrow. But sometime in the not-so-distant future."

Castle leans in and kisses her goodbye. "You'll be home for dinner?"

She nods. "You're not going to tell me where you are going?"

"No."

"Don't get into trouble."

"Jim, I'm sorry to just drop by like this," Rick says when the older man's apartment door opens.

"Is Katie okay?"

"She's fine; she's working. Actually, she doesn't know I'm here."

"If you came to ask my permission to marry my daughter again, Rick, I haven't changed my mind."

"I wouldn't blame you if you had. If it were my daughter, I certainly wouldn't let this wedding happen. I wish more than anything that I had made it to the wedding, that I hadn't put her through those two months."

"I know that you love her, Rick, the same way I loved Johanna . But as her father, I have to warn you that if it happens again, I will have Ryan and Esposito kill you, and no one will ever find your body."

"Understood, sir. I f it happens again, I deserve to be killed for hurting her," the writer states, following her father into the living room.

"So what brings you here without my daughter knowing?" he asks as they take a seat.

Castle hands the bag he had been carrying to her father. "I found this on her phone this morning. I thought you would want a copy of it; I would if it were my daughter. She was beautiful."

Jim pulls out a framed photo of him next to his daughter on her wedding day. "Yes, she was. She… she looks just like her mother. It was Johanna's dress."

"That's what she told me. Then I remembered the picture on your wall," he gestures to the picture of the happy couple hanging on the wall.

"I think that that was part of the reason I took Johanna's death so hard. I in no way blame Katie for my actions after her mother died, but being around her was just a constant reminder of Johanna. They are so alike."

"I'm glad that the two of you were able to reconnect."

"She told me that she wasn't going to stick around to watch me kill myself, and she refused to answer my calls for weeks. About half way through my rehab program I went to visit her, to explain to her that I was done drinking and learning how to deal with my grief properly. It took me a while to get her trust back, but I'm glad that she has found a way to forgive me."

"I'm grateful that she has found away to forgive me for all of the things I've done as well."

"Don't let her push you away, Rick. I know she had her misgivings about you while you were missing, and I hope that you can forgive her and find a way to move past this. I've never seen her as happy with any man as she is with you. When I walk my daughter down the aisle, you're the only man I want at the end of it."

"Thank you, Sir."

"And thank you for the photo. I'll keep it in my office until you and Katie are married."

Castle stands and shakes the older man's hand, "I should head home. I told her I'd have dinner ready when she got off of work."

"Take care, Rick."


	4. Chapter 4

Beckett scoots over in the bed, pulling the blankets closer to her and searching for the warmth of her fiancé in the bed. Her eyes slowly open when she finds the other side of the bed cold, discovering that the bed is just as lonely as it felt. She immediately starts to panic, believing that her fiancé is still missing, before she notices that faint sound of a clicking keyboard coming from his office, a sound very familiar to her ears but not one that she has heard since his return.

She gets out of bed and makes her way to the office, standing in the doorway between his office and their bedroom for a few moments to observe him. "You're writing again," she says softly, not wanting to startle him.

His fingers stop moving, and he looks up at her. "I didn't mean to wake you. I'm sorry, Kate."

Being a detective, Kate is a rather light sleeper and had frequently been awakened by his typing during the middle of the night. "It wasn't the typing. I… got cold without you there."

"I…" he glances back at his screen before looking back at her, torn between her and his writing.

"It's fine, Castle. I just… needed to see you for myself, to make sure you were still here."

"Kate…"

"I haven't seen you writing since you writing since you came home," she comments, changing the subject from her own fears.

"I haven't really felt like writing until now," Castle types a few more sentences before turning back to her.

"Is your disappearance going to find its way into the next Nikki Heat book?"

"I… no, I don't think so. Rook is still waiting for an answer after all."

She nods slowly. "You know, as your muse, I'm really not sure what I did tonight that would have inspired you to write tonight after almost four months of not writing."

"You're always inspiring, Kate," he sets his computer back on his desk, about to shut it down and return to bed with her.

"No, Castle, keep writing. Now that I know where you are, I'll be fine," she walks over to his desk, setting a hand on his shoulder and kissing his cheek.

"Just give me five more minutes to finish this scene, and I will be right there," he pulls her head back down for a proper kiss.

"I doubt that it will be five minutes, Castle," she smiles, knowing he always loses track of time when writing.

"I…" he looks back at his computer screen. "I'll try to hurry. I just want to get a few things down before I forget them."

"Just write, Rick. I'm fine."

"You're still worried about me disappearing again," he points out.

"I can't help it," she looks away from him.

"You know what? I'll just finish this in the morning. I'm sure it's not very good anyway," Castle moves to shut his laptop.

"No, this is important to you."

"So are you."

Kate reaches out and grabs the computer off of his desk before heading back toward the bedroom. "Fine. If you won't just stay here a write, then come write in bed."

He stands and quickly follows her into the bedroom, "Kate, give it back. I don't need to finish it tonight. And I know that it keeps you awake when I type in bed."

"I'll be fine. You just continue what you were doing," she pats the space next to her in the bed. "What are you working on anyway?"

Before she can read anything that he has typed, he snatches the computer away from her. "It doesn't matter."

"Are you writing another sex scene with Nikki and Rook?"

"No."

"Then why can't I see it?"

"You always say you don't want spoilers."

"Unless you're writing the end first, I'm sure whatever you are working on will not ruin the whole mystery, Rick."

"It's… not a mystery," he mumbles, sinking down onto the edge of the bed, turned away from her.

"Then what is it?"

"I… you're just going to laugh at me."

"Castle, we're going to be married. I'm not going to laugh at you," she leans her cheek against his shoulder. "You've supported me in all of my career decisions. If you want to write about something other than mysteries, you have my support."

"I'm… trying to write serious literature."

"Serious literature?"

"Like that time traveling guy last year said I would."

"Okay. So what is this serious literature going to be about?" Kate nudges him until he moves into the bed, making himself comfortable next to her.

"It's just something that's been going through my brain for the last few weeks. I couldn't sleep so I decided to put it down on paper. I'm sure it's stupid."

"If you keep thinking let that, it isn't going to be great literature, Castle. If you really want to pursue this, I support you."

"Maybe… after I get some more of it written, you'd like to take a look at it? It'd be nice to get someone else's opinion, and Gina will just make fun of me if it sucks."

"Sure, Rick," she smiles at him. "I might be a little biased though."

"Please be honest with me. I've already had enough embarrassment with that video about the Raging Heat release."

"Well then you better getting working, Writer Boy," the detective scoots down in the bed until she is laying down beside him.

"Are you sure I won't keep you awake?" he asks, opening his laptop back up.

She yawns, turning onto her side to sleep facing him and resting a hand on his arm as he starts typing, "I'll be fine. Just write."

After several moments of silence, she opens her eyes to look up at him. "Rick?"

He pauses his typing, "Am I too loud?"

"No, it's just… You haven't stopped writing Nikki Heat because I won't marry you, right?"

"Of course not. I just haven't planned what I want to happen in the next book. She's being promoted to captain after all, and I need a good case for them. I can't disappoint the readers and just make it a love story, Kate."

"I, uh… I didn't read Raging Heat until we found you. They delivered the advanced copies in the middle of your disappearance, and I know that you would have given me one to read. And then it was released just before we found you. But I couldn't bring myself to read it; I thought that if I read the last words you ever wrote, it would somehow make you gone for good."

"Well, I certainly hope that something does not happen to me while I'm working on this book. I wouldn't want this pathetic thing to be my last words ever written."

"Don't worry, Castle. If it really is that bad, I will deny that it ever existed. Because that's what partners are for."

Rick leans down to kiss her. "Partners," he echoes.

Kate yawns again, settling back down and closing her eyes. "Just don't leave me again."

He is not sure if she is talking about tonight or about him disappearing again, but he know either way he will not be leaving her side without a fight. "I'll be here, Kate. Always."


End file.
